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February 23, 2008

Wee hours in the Garden of Good and Evil

For 2008, my official pet peeve will be Fashion Stuttering.

Fashion stuttering comes in two flavors, one more henous than the other. The first sneaks up and whacks you in the head. The second is more direct.

How often is it that, from people who have been given a podium for pronouncements, you hear it said, "... and the thing is, is that ...", No one can explain the second "is", it just feels like it belongs there, as long as no one really scrutinizes it. There's an insidious, mainly tuneful, charm to it that lets the speaker get away with it. Try it yourself: almost everyone who says it says it the same way, with the same notes and rhythm in 4/4 time. Unfortunately, these people are the likes of politicians, distinguished interviewees on the broadcast news, teachers, and other people who are getting paid to be listened to and whose phrases infiltrate the volunteer talk force made up of the rest of us.

The second and more criminal fashion stuttering, more overtly theatrical and less of a brain seizure than the first, is when people perfectly competent at the efficient oral delivery of a sentence shoehorn it into an affectation of actual physical stuttering instead of just spitting it out. This takes place for dramatic effect, signifying that the thought being uttered is in the heat of the moment so emotionally exciting that it is actually mildly disturbing to the speaker's composure. For a speaker who we well know has no chronic stuttering affliction, the thing is is that the adopted stuttering bestows a brief aura of urgent candor that we are supposed to note is more important to accept at face value. Apparently, the best time to use it is when you want to have the last word on the subject, so you save it for then, accompanied with a slight throwing up of the hands to indicate a resignation to inescapable facts. Otherwise, it is used mainly for flirting. Hmmmm.

All that said and explained, you should never call someone out on these behaviors, unless you would like them to never speak to you again.

Posted by Malcolm Ryder at February 23, 2008 5:19 AM

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